I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Found the puke drawer
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
