Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
