I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
