Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
