What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
