May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
