Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
