shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
