I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
