First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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