That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
