I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
