break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
