So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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