If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
