Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
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We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do