Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning