There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.