Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
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I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
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If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.