dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.