well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted