you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
