so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
