you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
