How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
