Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
