I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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