Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
