We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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