a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
