Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
