if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.