You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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