so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
