What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk