tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation