just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
