My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
