I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
