why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
