I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
