Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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