Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
