I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
