My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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