the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
