this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
