I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
