So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
