people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
