ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
