YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
