PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
