So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
