Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
