Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
