Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
