Plan B is the new Plan A
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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