He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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