i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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