ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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