for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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