my vag is so smooth its legendary
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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