is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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