we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
ttyl tear gas
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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