I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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