My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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