Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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