Having a random hookup so left but love u
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
