She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
