I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
