i think my tv is drunk
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
