This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
