The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
