I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
