I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
