I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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