Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
