its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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