This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
