I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
