I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
