Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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