You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
