just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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