All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
