Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
