Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
