carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The air was thick with penises
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
