There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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