Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
