Do you still have your period?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
