Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
