Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
