it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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