dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
